It’s been quite a while since I last posted, these past few months have been pretty crazy/busy for me to be honest.
As many of you know, I will be sharing my testimony at the Mercy 5K Walk/Run on Saturday. It is to raise money and awareness of Mercy Canada, a much needed program for young women who are seeking help and hope for any sort of life controlling issue that they may be dealing with.
I took part in this program and graduated after nine months at the end of July 2016. Almost a year ago now!! Anyways, today I was doing some reflecting on my Mercy journey and I decided to look back at the testimony I had written for my graduation.
Below is the ending of the testimony that I had said in front of my family, friends, Mercy sisters and Mercy staff for my graduation.
‘I finally got accepted into Mercy the beginning of November, my parents dropped me off and we spent some time in prayer together about what this next part of my journey would look like. I walked through the doors feeling defeated, guilty, ashamed, hopeless and embarrassed. But I was quickly surrounded by more prayer, support and encouragement, I began to learn how to live a healthy lifestyle mentally, physically and spiritually. It was a different experience to be known here as Kali, not by who my parents are, my works or my past. I learned that it’s okay to admit that I was struggling and I could say anything without feeling judged or rejected. I learned that my hurts are valid and I began to allow myself to really feel and grieve the pain of those hurts and losses. Mercy gave me the opportunity to go through each hurt, receive healing and also give forgiveness to myself and those who have hurt me. I dug deeper into God’s word and had a chance to question and discover parts of it that I hadn’t before. I learned that I wasn’t being transformed just by rededicating my life to God every time I made a mistake, I needed to make the effort of renewing my mind as well. I started to replace the lies that I’ve believed about myself for so long with the truths of what God says and thinks about me. God has taught me how to make peace and own my part and the choices I made in my past. I am continuing to find and become my genuine, authentic self, learning to live FROM the approval of God instead of FOR the approval of others. Truly following Jesus means that I won’t be liked by everyone, I have learned that it’s only God who can satisfy. I am no longer choosing to find worth in my works. It has been so refreshing to be able to be real and honest about who I am, what I’ve done and where I’m at now. God works through faith, not my perfection. I am happy and confident in saying that God restores and heals, Christ died for me so that I could have victory and not continue to live in misery. He did not intend for me to carry the burden of shame, I am called to completely belong to him. Psalm 16:11 says that ‘In God’s presence there is fullness of joy.’ I can’t express the joy that has consumed me as I’ve allowed God to have all of me and have experienced His goodness throughout this journey of healing. There is no doubt in me when I say that God is definitely present in this home, He has felt so tangible to me as I’ve spent this time in His word; worshiping, growing and healing. As I’ve learned to walk in the spirit, I have discovered that it’s JESUS in me that makes me beautiful. I believe God is calling me to be a woman of faith, authenticity, integrity, and transparency. I desire to continue being aware and lead by Him, abiding in His deep love for me and encouraging others to do so as well. I am leaving Mercy’s doors knowing that God is near, that I am chosen, strong, capable, set free, redeemed, forgiven, and that there IS hope for my future. Paul says in Philippians 1:6, ‘he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Christ Jesus.’ I am thankful and proud to say that God is not finished with me yet!’
Reading this again after so long was such an encouragement as well as a huge reminder for me about my identity in Christ and the deep desire I had to live authentically in my day to day life. I had forgotten……..
I had forgotten a lot of those truths, those desires, the hope that I felt that day as I declared those things out loud in front of so many people I loved.
I’ll be honest, I’m a little nervous to share on Saturday because things have not been perfect since I graduated. I’ve had hard days, sometimes weeks. I’ve believed lies about myself, I’ve chosen sin over healing and truth. I’ve neglected time with God to be on my phone or watch Netflix, I’ve isolated myself during some of the most painful moments of my life when I’ve actually really needed people.
BUT, I’m realizing that Mercy was the beginning stage of my healing process, the first step I took in deciding to choose life. I was not expected to graduate from the program and suddenly have everything figured out. I’m still learning, growing and healing.
Mercy gave me the tools to deal with and experience freedom from depression and an eating disorder. What am I choosing to do with those tools? Am I spending time with the Father? In prayer, his word, worship? Am I seeking accountability? Continued counselling? Am I in community? What are the areas I want to grow in? What’s challenging me right now?
In the midst of the crazyness of this year, I HAVE experienced continued healing, hope, forgiveness, strength, courage, peace and joy! It may look different from how it did while I was at Mercy but it’s all still here for me to experience. God is STILL faithful, even in the suffering. I look back at some of my blogposts or journal entries and I am reminded of how present Christ has been this year through it all, I am forever grateful.
These are just some thoughts I’ve been having today after a good conversation with a friend and reflecting on my Mercy journey. Always good to get the thoughts out somewhere (; And of course be authentic, as that was my desire when leaving the program!
If you want to know more about Mercy, my story or just want prayer….feel free to send me a message (: I love to chat.
Lastly, we are grateful for your support in raising awareness and funds for Mercy Canada. Please do as you feel led, whether that is sharing this blogpost, donating money towards the Mercy run or taking time out of your day to pray for this ministry. It is all much appreciated!!